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22 September 2010 @ 08:28 pm
i don't even....whatever  
 I have no life, even now that I'm in college. I had too much free time so I decided to start writing again. I mean, it's not like I'm not writing much in school, what with all the massive papers i'm being assigned left and right. pfft.

 It's been a looooong time since I've written anything, and that's probably evident. This is me getting my feet wet, trying to start writing again. Written in less than 30 minutes. It's really shitty, but I don't really care. Un-betaed. DH Spoilers (do I even have to say that anymore? lol)

Sarah, (if you even see this which i doubt b/c you're never on lj anymore) maybe you'll mock me less b/c it's HP and slightly more respectable than Twilight. not much, but a little ;) 

Title: Guilt
Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: idk...pg13, since it deals with death
Era: post-DH


This was not a new emotion to Harry. He had been feeling almost constant guilt for just over a decade now. Guilt for all the lives lost. Guilt for all the families that were destroyed. Guilt for feeling relieved that Ginny and Ron and Hermione were still here. Guilt for surviving all this, all the destruction. He was so consumed with guilt that sometimes he wished for death, just to get away from all of it.

Don't think that, Harry. How could you? You are all Teddy has. Hermione was always the voice of reason.

But she was wrong. Harry was the reason Teddy had no one. No one but his grandmother. His grandmother, who was so grief-stricken that she wouldn't last much longer, regardless of her young age.

Mum can't lose another son, mate. Don't do this. Ron was right. Mrs. Weasley was just barely functioning again. It was obvious that she couldn't survive losing another son.

Mum, Dad, Cedric, Sirius, Fred, Dobby, Remus, Tonks, Snape, Mad Eye Moody, Ted Tonks, Dumbledore, Colin. Their faces flashed before his eyes as he took his last breath. He had done what everyone told him not to. He became an Auror, got himself killed.

Guilt had consumed Harry all his life. Finally, he was free. He got his wish.
Current Location: my nice warm bed :)
Current Mood: apatheticapathetic
Current Music: airplanes - Haley Williams & B.o.B.
starduchessstarduchess on September 23rd, 2010 04:04 pm (UTC)
Stop berating yourself. This was good. I always felt Harry would feel guilty for living when others didn't, especially since they died because of him. I can see everyone going "Congrats, Harry, you won! Be happy! Those others will be happy that they died for something good, for freedom and life." and then Harry thinking, "Yeah, but I should have died too."
Laura: r/hr DH holding handslauraelizabeth9 on September 23rd, 2010 05:35 pm (UTC)
thanks! I am so hard on myself, and I know it, and i'm trying not to be, but I haven't written in a while so I'm thinking "wow, this is terrible" about everything even if it's not.
but I'm glad you liked it.
And yes, I agree (obviously haha), I can see Harry going one of two ways after the war-having survivor's guilt, like here, or diving head-first into the reconstruction of Hogwarts and the Wizarding World in general. I'm really glad you thought it was... believable, I guess. lol
Megan, formerly known as twi_ctionohfiyera on September 23rd, 2010 04:47 pm (UTC)
This was really excellent. You write a lot like I do. I liked it a lot :)

Laura: r/hr DH holding handslauraelizabeth9 on September 23rd, 2010 05:38 pm (UTC)
aw thanks, you have no idea what that means coming from you. I've always adored your work, so thanks! :)
this was my first time writing like this. So I was nervous about it. I was worried my point wouldn't come across, or that I'd give too much or too little detail. So I'm glad it did. :) :)
seren_canisseren_canis on November 20th, 2010 12:51 am (UTC)
"Mum can't lose another son, mate."

What a beautifuly executed line, so sad and heart-achingly true at the same time :(. I loved this, so much said in so few words, the true gift of a writer. The ending was just perfect, unexpected yet inevitably the only logical ending :).
Laura: trio dh premierelauraelizabeth9 on November 20th, 2010 12:56 am (UTC)
aww, thank you. :D
I'm glad you liked it. I'm sure I'll be writing a hundred more angsty drabbles like this over the weekend now that DH is out and I'm all sentimental ;)
seren_canisseren_canis on November 20th, 2010 12:58 am (UTC)
It was really good, don't worry! :)
Haha, oh I know! xD I'm seeing DH in aprrox 11 hours *flails madly* and I can just smell the angsty remus/tonks drabbes that will inevitaly come! :P
Lauralauraelizabeth9 on November 20th, 2010 01:03 am (UTC)
i'm already anxious to see it again. :D
oh man, if they don't have Remus's and Tonks' deaths I'm going to be so angry. I'm going to be bawling like a baby the entire time. As in, I'll be inconsolable. haha. No one in my theater cried when Dobby died last night, and I felt like such an idiot but it was sad! how can you not? :(
Lauralauraelizabeth9 on November 20th, 2010 01:04 am (UTC)
I can just smell the angsty remus/tonks drabbes that will inevitaly come!

oh, but think of all the sweet fics there will be about Remus and Sirius (and James and Lily while we're at it) reuniting! :D
seren_canisseren_canis on November 20th, 2010 01:11 am (UTC)
/is beyond jeaous that you've seen DH already -_-

Oh god, no, I HATE Dobby xD Bellatrix killing him almost makes up for her killing Sirius and Tonks! :P I actually went to see Shell Cottage when they were filming there so I saw Dobby's grave already x] And they BETTER had make a big deal out of Remus & Tonks's death, unlike the books! I wanna be made to cry!! *shakes fist*

Roll on the happy afterlife reunitied-nes! :D
Lauralauraelizabeth9 on November 20th, 2010 01:35 am (UTC)
i was actually regretting getting tickets to the midnight premiere all week, b/c i got really sick and then found out I had to get up at 6 AM this morning. All after buying my ticket, of course. But it wasn't so bad, so it was totally worth it :P

you hate dobby? :(
*shuns you* rotfl just kidding. I love Dobby. sfm. so i cried. lots. ngl.

I really hope they do, that's the one thing i was angry about in the books, but I did like the shock factor. It's like "blah blah blah remus and tonks dead blah blah-" wait, WHAT? lol. but i didn't like how it was just forgotten. so not right :(
but i have a feeling that the movie will probably show their deaths, unlike the book. it makes sense.
seren_canisseren_canis on November 20th, 2010 01:47 am (UTC)
Ah no you were ill? :( Poor you! *thinks like a remus and hands you chocolate* :).

Yes, I do hate Dobby xD You may shun me now. I also laughed at Dumbledore's death *prepares to be thwarted*.

UGH, Remus & Tonks' deaths in the book were such an after thought! Like, "Oh, and then um...Remus and Tonks were dead too! Yeah, them too!" FML -_- Hopefully the film does it justice ;) Apparenly Snape's death is a real tear-jerker!

RIGHT, I'm off to bed now, goodnight and nice to meet you! :D Sweet boy!kissing dreams! xxx
Lauralauraelizabeth9 on November 20th, 2010 01:51 am (UTC)
yeah, i had..i don't even know. laryngitis? strep throat? it's a mystery lol. but I miraculously got to feeling better last night, so I was very happy.

i laughed at Dumbledore's death in the movie. my friend and i used to make jokes about it looking like the matrix haha

good. i want snape's death to be sad. it's one of the saddest in the series, imo.